I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
