I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
