Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
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