This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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