yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
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