Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
