oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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