Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Randomize