No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
