if you like me you must not know who I am
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
