:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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