The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
True college students do jello shots in the library
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