Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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