woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
