Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
