Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
