the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
