Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
