dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
