i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
