I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
