love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
