wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
