Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize