my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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