Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
