I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
