Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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