NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
