You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
