I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize