I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
