I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
