Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
