how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Randomize
