He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
