We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
