My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
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