Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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