I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
