I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
