You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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