eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
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