my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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