This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
