Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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