dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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