So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
