Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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