1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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