Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
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