my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
