I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I think I died a long time ago.
We need to rekindle our bromance
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
