I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
