bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize