my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
