I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
You can't just leave with hair like that
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
