What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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