His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Randomize
