Don't you send me to vm
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize