haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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