Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
