Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
