Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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