HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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