Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
