he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
