so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
