Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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