Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
