so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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