Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
she pinky promised me she was 18
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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