you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
she pinky promised me she was 18
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
