I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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