Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
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